


fearless love

by inqvisitiveintrovert



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Femslash February, M/M, Rey is gay, also the finn/poe is mostly just mentioned but it's definitely there, happy femslash february ladies!!, the first part is mostly rey and poe sibling bonding while they talk about the nature of love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 01:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13602954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inqvisitiveintrovert/pseuds/inqvisitiveintrovert
Summary: You never knew, with the way things were. You never knew who would live and who would die, if you would survive to see the sun rise tomorrow. Poe knew this- he had to. Somehow, he’d made peace with it and Rey yearned to know how. How he could give his heart so completely to someone else knowing it might be over for them all at any moment.What did it feel like to be caught so completely in someone’s orbit?





	fearless love

**Author's Note:**

> this is a little thing i started writing up for femslash february :) it will be in two parts!
> 
> the bulk of this first part is some quality rey and poe sibling bonding bc i have a lot of feelings about them having that kind of relationship- in finn's absence, rey goes to poe to ask him about something she isn't quite sure how to deal with. things get emotional as the nature of love is contemplated.

“Poe… how did-”

 Poe popped his head out from the cockpit of his x-wing, pushing his hair out of his grease-stained face and peering questioningly down at Rey.

 “What?” He asked.

 Rey found herself unable to meet his gaze. Sitting up from her reclined position on top of a few crates full of spare parts, she drew her legs up against her chest and rested her chin atop her knees like she used to do when she was a little girl, all alone on Jakku.

 Jakku felt like ages and ages ago. But really, it had been less than two years since she had left, less than two years since she rescued BB-8 and flew the Millenium Falcon with Finn and discovered her sensitivity to the Force, something that had always been there, deep down. Less than two years since she had began calling herself a Jedi.

 Less than two years…

“What’s wrong, Rey?” Poe asked, his voice going gentle in that way that made Rey’s chest ache because she was still so unused to having people who looked out for her. Poe’s kindness meant more to Rey than she could verbalize- he felt like the older brother she’d never had.

“How did... “ Rey began again, disgusted by the slight tremor in her voice. Swallowing, she shakily continued-

“How did you know you were in love? With Finn?”

Her question was met by silence. Rey still couldn’t meet Poe’s eyes, her face flushed and her heart pounding. This was so… so _embarrassing_. She felt safe with Poe, and she knew he didn’t mind offering her advice if she asked for it- but she hated feeling as vulnerable as she did in this moment.

_I should’ve waited and asked Finn instead._

With Finn, everything was so easy- they understood each other perfectly, and easily felt each other’s emotions through the Force. With Finn, Rey never had to struggle to find words to verbalize feelings that couldn’t be explained.

But Finn was gone, away on a reconnaissance mission with his squadron of Pathfinders, and Rey hadn’t come to the startling realization that she might be in love until this morning, when the object of said affection had looked at Rey in a way no one ever had.

To be fair, Rey never had been very good with feelings.

“Well… gosh.” Poe huffed after a long, long moment. “That’s a tough question to answer.”

Rey tilted her head so that she could glance up at Poe- he ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up further, before disappearing back into his cockpit. An instant later, he was hoisting himself out of his x-wing, landing gracefully on the ground beside Rey, having done so hundreds of times over his years as a pilot.

Poe looked questioningly at Rey and patted the empty spot on the crates beside her. Rey nodded silently, and Poe climbed up beside her. Leaning back on the heels of his palms, he gazed out across the hangar, watching the rest of the slowly rebuilding Resistance bustle about, making preparations for whatever might come next.

You never knew, with the way things were. You never knew who would live and who would die, if you would survive to see the sun rise tomorrow. Poe knew this- he had to. Somehow, he’d made peace with it and Rey yearned to know how. How he could give his heart so completely to someone else knowing it might be over for them all at any moment.

Rey had come close to that kind of fearless love- she cherished Finn more than anyone, and she loved Poe and BB-8 and her other friends. But the kind of love Poe had for Finn (and Finn in turn had for him) was different- Rey didn’t know exactly how to describe it, but the way she sensed it in the Force, it was something like gravity. Inevitable, inescapable, strong enough to make planets collide. It made it feel like there was a vacuum between the two of them, and for a moment they were the only two people in the whole galaxy. The whole universe. It was strong enough that Rey was almost frightened by it- but more than anything, she wanted to understand.

To know.

What did it feel like to be caught so completely in someone’s orbit?

(Rey thought she already knew what that was like. But she wasn’t sure. Couldn’t be.)

_How much do you have to sacrifice to survive being someone else’s satellite?_

“When I first met Finn,” Poe said, his voice quiet- and yet it seemed louder to Rey than all the hustle and bustle of the whole Resistance Base. “The first thing I thought about him was that he had the kindest eyes.”

Rey dared another glance at Poe’s face, and saw that he was smiling softly.

“I thought I was gonna die. I was sure he was leading me to Ren, who was gonna torture me until I died and that would be it.”

“But instead-” Poe’s smile widened, and Rey saw a glint in his dark eyes that might’ve been tears.

“Instead, he takes off his helmet. And he’s saying he can save me, and I’m so in shock that all I can really register is that this man looks nothing like what I imagined the First Order to embody. And we follow through on his plan, and we escape, and then all I could think while we we’re flying through First Order occupied space is that Finn might’ve been the bravest man I’d ever met.”

Poe stopped, still smiling, and wiped at his eyes. Rey’s chest was tight- like her heart was being squeezed in someone’s fist. Because she could feel it- feel that fearless love that stole your breath away. And she knew, she knew she knew she knew- she felt-

That’s what it felt like.

“I guess I knew I was in love with Finn when I realized that I couldn’t picture my life without him in it.” Poe said at last, voice a bit gruff. He turned to meet Rey’s eyes with his own, soft and kind. More kind than Rey deserved, more than she knew what to do with.

“And that’s the way of things, I guess.” He continued. “We fall in love with the way it feels to have someone in our lives, and we make space for them in our hearts that’s made just for them- and we love them. Not always in the same way. Not always the same amount. But we love.”

Rey didn’t even realize she was crying until Poe gently wiped away the tear streaking down her face. She allowed him to envelope her into in a hug, resting her head against his shoulder and breathing in the comforting smell of him.

“That’s what it feels like to be human, Rey.” Poe said softly, chin on her shoulder. “It’s okay if it scares you, because sometimes it does- but you don’t have to try and ignore it, or push it away.”

Rey sniffled, and Poe drew back from her, smiling tearfully.

“My mother used to say that our lives are made richer by loving. People, places, stories- when you have something to love, your life has meaning, and you have something to fight for.”

Rey nodded, slowly, letting the brevity of Poe’s words sink in.

Loving was human. It was human as anger, pain, suffering- it was natural as breathing. Rey had carved out a place in her heart for Finn, for Poe, for BB-8 and Chewie and Han and Leia and Luke and-

She understood what it was like. To love something so much not that you couldn't live without it, but that you didn't want to.

“Thank you.” Rey whispered, swiping away her tears with the back of her hand. She felt like a great weight had been lifted from her chest- even more, she felt, for the first time in months, like she truly understood how she felt when-

When Jess smiled at her. When Jess touched her arm or her hand or her cheek, or brought Rey snacks while she was training or took her up in her x-wing with her or braided her hair or held her while she cried-

All it meant was that Jess had a special spot in Rey’s heart, one that might’ve been there for years- almost two years, perhaps, since the day they first met and Jess had smiled and shaken Rey’s hand and her touch had felt something like sunlight on Rey’s skin.

Poe smiled at her, resting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t mention it.” He responded warmly. Rey smiled back at him, a small smile, but it was enough that she knew Poe understood how much his support meant to her.

Rey glanced across the hangar, out at the distant horizon, where the first of the planet’s twin suns was beginning to disappear behind distant mountain peaks. She took a deep breath, trying to recenter herself after letting her emotions run so rampant, and unfurled herself.

“I guess I’d better go find her, then.” She said, and she didn’t even realize what she’d let slip until Poe raised his eyebrows ever so slightly, his lips quirking into a knowing smile.

“Shit- I mean-”

“It’s alright, Rey.” Poe laughed, sliding down from the crates and patting her knee reassuringly. “I figured that was why you asked.”

Rey knew her face must’ve been as red as the suns, but she decided it was a better idea to get out of there before she embarrassed herself any further. She hopped down from the crates, cleared her throat, and offered Poe one last strained smile, internally mortified by his amused expression.

Just as she began to turn to speed-walk out of the hangar, Poe cleared his own throat. Rey paused, turning on her heel to face him.

“Hey, just so you know, Rey.” Poe said, holding his hands behind his back like he did when he was nervous and wanted to appear perfectly collected.

“You mean a lot to me to. What I mean is-” He amended quickly upon Rey’s puzzled expression, “I’ve got your back. You don’t have to worry about not having a special place in other peoples’ hearts, ‘cause you do in mine and Finn’s and-”

Poe didn’t have the chance to finish, though, because Rey closed the distance between them to hug him fiercely. She was smiling from the inside out, despite the nervous butterflies in her stomach at the thought of what she was about to do- but somehow, Poe knew what to say to make her feel strong. To remind her that she mattered, and that she was an irreplaceable part in other peoples’ lives too.

“Alright, alright.” Poe teased, ruffling Rey’s hair gently as she pulled away. “Now go make Jess’s day so she’ll be less grouchy next morning when I wake her up for a routine flight.”

Rey beamed at Poe one last time before striding off to find her Jess, already feeling the essence of her through the Force, pulling her to her.

 Guiding her home.


End file.
